New Year's Resolutions
- Rose Millson
- Dec 30, 2023
- 5 min read
Set Yourself Up For Success
Around this time every year, talk of New Year's resolutions begin. Many people focus on the ways they want to change. This can sometimes be unhealthy and lead to feelings that they aren’t good enough and need to be better. I believe that New Year's resolutions/goals can be a healthy thing, if done correctly. However, many people expect perfection, set too high of standards, or don't truly value the goal. Oftentimes, if people don't achieve their goal, they are left feeling worse about themselves than when they started.
Let’s dive into a more positive way to set New Year's resolutions.
Why People Don't Achieve Their New Year's Resolutions
Expectation of perfection: Many people set a goal to “do something everyday”. If a day is missed, they may feel as though they have failed. This can lead to people saying f*** it, and giving up.
How to combat: The key is to have self compassion -- you cannot expect yourself to be perfect for an entire year. In reality, you are likely to miss a day. For example, if you set a goal to walk around the block every day, but a hurricane comes through, it isn’t realistic to walk around the block. While the goal can be to do something everyday, always remember that if you miss a day, you aren’t a failure. At the end of the day it is just a goal.
Too high standards: Another reason people don't achieve their resolutions/goals is that they set too high of standards. Someone who has never run in their life sets a goal to run a marathon that year. A more realistic goal could be to run a 5k race by the end of the year.
How to combat: Think about where you are currently in relation to your goal. Reflect on how this past year has been in relation to this goal. Have you ever completed this goal before? Does the thought of completing your goal in a year overwhelm you?
Remember that your resolutions/goals can also be changed throughout the year. If you set a goal that you soon realize is unattainable, you can change it to something that is more realistic -- you don’t have to give up on it completely. If you run a 5k in June and realize you are great at running, you can adjust your goal to run a longer race. On the flip side, if you injure yourself, you can adjust your goal to be able to run a mile again by the end of the year.
Don't value the resolution/goal: Another common reason that people don’t achieve their goals is because they don’t value or connect to the resolution/goal as much as they think they do. When thinking about your New Year's resolution/goal it is important to understand the “why” behind your goal. If you don’t truly connect to “why” behind your goal, you may want to rethink it. Achieving a goal means nothing if you don't value it.
Extrinsic vs intrinsic motivation: Extrinsic motivation is driven by external rewards. Intrinsic motivation is driven by the inherent satisfaction derived from a behavior. Someone who wants to eat healthier to slim down is most likely driven by extrinsic motivation -- they may want others to tell them they look good. Someone driven by intrinsic motivation could be someone who wants to eat healthier to have more energy.
How to combat: How much you value a goal is often associated with motivation. You are more likely to follow through with a goal if the “why” behind it is based on intrinsic motivation (the motivation is driven by your desires, not others). Get really honest with yourself and ask yourself why you want to complete the resolution/goal.
Make Your Resolutions/Goals:
To create a New Year's resolution/goal, start with a vision. This vision will be a “dreamy state” where you can imagine a version of yourself. This image allows you to feel relaxed, at peace, hopeful and/or excited. You can download my "Dream and Envision Template" for free at the bottom of this post.
What areas of my life need to be nourished right now?
What does happiness look like to me?
How do I imagine my healthiest/happiest self?
Now it is time to create some goals.
Ask yourself questions such as...
What would I like to complete by the end of the year?
What are some things I wish were a part of my routine?
What do I wish I did more of?
Assess Your Resolutions/Goal:
Value the goal: Think back to the vision you created. Do these resolutions/goals align with your visions? Is this goal something you truly want? Is it intrinsically or extrinsically motivated? Could you reframe this goal so it is intrinsically motivated?
Too high of standards: Think about where you currently are in relation to your goal. Is this goal truly attainable or are your standards too high?
Expectation of perfection: What are some challenges you might face along the way? What can you do to prepare for these? How can you mentally prepare? Write out some encouraging words to reflect on if you slip up. Remember that having self compassion is an important part of completing a goal.
"A goal is not always meant to be reached, it often serves simply as something to aim at.”- Bruce Lee
Break It Up
A New Year's resolution/goal can sometimes feel overwhelming to start. Breaking the goal down into action steps/milestones can help encourage you to take the first step towards your goal.
What is the smallest and most simple action I can take towards this resolution/goal?
What is something I can do today?
Does this goal need to be broken down into action steps? For example if your goal was running a marathon, action steps would be hitting milestones of certain distances.
Quarterly Goals: I find it helpful to break the year up. For example, you can approach your resolution/goal month by month. This year, I’m going to be breaking my year up into quarters so I can approach my goals three months at a time. This also allows for plenty of regular feedback and assessment.
One goal I have is to practice 4-7-8 breathing everyday. To make this goal less overwhelming, I am going to focus on doing this for one quarter of the year. By only focusing on this one goal, I am better able to commit to it. After that quarter I will re-asses. Ideally I will have integrated it as part of my routine and it will be a habit that can easily flow into the next quarter. There is also the chance I don’t enjoy it or don’t feel it is benefiting me, in which case I will reassess. If I reassess I can ask myself if it is something I wish to continue trying, change my approach to or drop completely. After this quarter, I will move onto another goal I have that aligns with my vision -- stretching every day.
In my mind, a new years resolution doesn’t have to be about doing something everyday for a full year. It is about setting goals to create habits I desire to have by the end of the year. By reframing resolutions in this way, I feel they are more attainable. It is very important to be compassionate, encouraging, and forgiving when you “slip up”. If you want to create habits that last a lifetime, it is unrealistic to expect perfection. We aren't perfect, all we can do is try.
Dream and Envision Template:
Comments